Hey Author,
You there, the one posting on the interwebs. Yep, you on the spacebook, grams, and tweeter-haven. I know it’s been a hot minute since we last spoke but I felt it was time to dust the cobwebs off the old blog and pen you a letter.
You see, I’ve been noticing how inconvenienced you are by your readers. You’re an author…why? You post the cheeky little meme that you find hysterical—all while literally biting the hand that feeds you. You do realize that without readers, you’re not getting a paycheck…right?
Need a refresher? It’s this one. I know you think it’s terribly clever, true, and the bane of your troubles. I get it, really, I do. But let’s just think about the alternative. Would you rather have someone show absolutely no enthusiasm for your writing? I can’t imagine it would feel very good to be told, “Just take your time! Five years? Ten? It means nothing to me. I’m in absolutely no hurry to read your drivel.”
If you’re honest, of course, that wouldn’t feel good. However, you couldn’t see past your petty annoyance to care that you were openly mocking your fans. That is a very good way to lose your fans, just a little FYI.
Or maybe this was your way of bragging about having poor desperate readers throw themselves at your feet. Those literarily insane people just practically worshipping you like the literary god you think you are.
Trust me, your readers see your mockery and we make note of it. What was meant to be an encouragement and mock desperation to stroke your ego apparently worked too well, Now, I think it’s time to remind you that well…books are a dime a dozen. Treat us badly and we will find another author to whet our literary appetite.
Here is some practical advice from a reader: Appreciate us and treat us right and we will treat you right. We will buy your books and sing your praises and we may even show enthusiasm for the next book you’re working on.
Whine about the mere mortals who dare inconvenience you for your divine words from the heavens and we’re likely to turn our backs on you. If you whine about that random negative review? Well, we’re probably going to think you’re a piece of work who thinks she’s better than God because last I checked—people even give Him negative reviews.
Maybe try a little piece of humble pie from time to time. Because ‘Authors Behaving Badly’ is looking more and more like the next big reality show.
Love,
Reader
P.S. I think we need to take a break. I can see other authors and you can see other readers.
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