In ‘Murder Simply Brewed‘ by Vannetta Chapman the barista is murdered. In chapter five Hannah talks to her mother about Ethan’s death. Eunice reminds her that death ‘marks a place with special memories because it’s where a soul left this world and entered the next.’ Sometimes people are uncomfortable with death. What can we do to make such times easier for each other?
This is such a hard question to answer because we all deal with death differently. Some of us need alone time to process while others need to be surrounded by friends and family.
I think all that we can do is make ourselves available, emotionally and physically. Don’t be afraid to ask a person what they need from you.
Even as a person who has lost her grandmother, as well as two babies—I still struggle to know how to make things easier for a person experiencing the same thing.
When I lost my first baby, I pulled away from everyone—even my husband. I needed time to think, time to grieve and time to mourn that I would never meet my baby here on earth. So many people were calling, texting, inboxing me and frankly—driving me nuts. I just wanted to be alone.
In contrast, with my second loss (this one carried to 16 weeks) I needed people to talk to me, keep me busy, ask if I needed anything, send me stupid pictures on Facebook of a Cat dressed up like Darth Vader. Anything to keep my mind off the fact that I carried a child inside my womb that no longer had a heartbeat. A child I would have to give birth to.
Both of my reactions were so vastly different that I’m confused on what we can do to make those times easier.
I think the biggest thing that I learned about grief from my experience is that it does not expire in 4-6 weeks. It seems like when there is a loss, everyone is calling for several weeks after. After that, those of us who remain are often left feeling as if our world has stopped and everyone else has forgotten.
I think the most important thing that we can do to make a loss easier on one another is to offer an open-ended invitation to those who grieve to cry on our shoulder. Call them up and offer to take them out to lunch several months (even years!) after to celebrate and remember those who have been lost. Let them know you remember and that you care.
I’ll be honest. I wanted to do something a little different for Memorial Day weekend. This question called out to me. Yes, it’s not about the loss of someone who died while serving our country and protecting my freedoms. But it is about honesty and heart and even hope. This weekend we honor and remember those who have gone before us. I just wanted to take a moment to honor those who have to stay behind. I’d love to hear your thoughts and reactions in the comments below
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